Foundations For Peaceful Relationships And Homes -Mark and Sharon Ighile

Any relationship or home that has a purpose will always be peaceful. A relationship or home that has a clear cut focus will be peaceful. Purpose can drive away anger and frustration in a home and relationship. When you are purpose driven, you will be free from every form of worry. Purpose drives away anger, annoyance, worry and pain in any relationship.

There are eight foundations we will be considering in this discourse that can bring about peace in any relationship or home. They are:

(1)The power of friendship: Any relationship that does not have friendship as its driving force will be cosmetic and syndicated. Any relationship that does not ooze out from a friendly atmosphere cannot really be proven. That is why we advise those going into marriage relationships to marry someone who is a friend; the reason been that after the wedding ceremony it is the friendship that will make the marriage and home to work. Ceremonies will come and go, but what sustains the home is that friendship that has always been there. That is why couples can talk and laugh together and enjoy themselves for many years to come. A relationship that will last long should come out and mature from friendship.

The bible in Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man that has friends must show himself friendly and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.” There are two points here, we must take into cognizance: The first has to do with showing yourself friendly. My question is this, are you friendly? Are you loveable? If you are looking for a relationship that will blossom and be peaceful, be friendly. There are some people that are not friendly and loveable. You can never see them smile or play. The second is this, when you have a right friend, your journey in life is made fluid. The right friends can do for you things that your blood brother will not do for you. Ask yourself this question, how friendly am I? Relationship that stand is the one built on friendship. So, become friendly than ever before.

 

(2)Effective communication: This is the second foundation for a peaceful home and relationship. If you are in or you are trusting God to enter into a relationship that will lead into marriage or you are already in a marriage, note that effective communication is a major block and pillar that makes for a peaceful home.

Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” Know when to keep quiet. Know when to say I am sorry. Know when to say please. There are several relationships and marriages that are grounded today because one of the partners cannot say, “I am sorry.” A home where the partners cannot say “I am sorry,” will become sorrowful. If saying I am sorry, can change the home for the best, why not say it? A home where the partners cannot say “please,” will become apologetic. These are some of the secrets of successful homes. The secrets of successful homes are practical tools that we can use if we are broken.

 

(3)Honour and respect: Let’s reflect on Psalm 91:15; it says “He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I [will be] with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.” If you take this scripture into a marital context or environment, you will find out that were honour and respect is functional, there will be company, association, enjoyment, deliverance and safety.

There is no one who does not desire to be respected or honoured. A relationship without mutual honour and respect will lead to reproachful familiarity. Any kind of relationship, marriage and home that is not based on respect and honour will produce an atmosphere of ‘reproachful familiarity’; this is a familiarity that is detestable and which produces anger and enmity. 

 

(4)Appreciation: Appreciation is a foundation in any relationship. Anything that you appreciate, appreciates. Anything that you appreciate increases in value. Few years after I got married, I learnt that; I learnt to appreciate my wife for everything she does. In the first year of our marriage, I used to criticize her a lot because I wanted things to be perfect, but when I changed and started appreciating her, I suddenly discovered that things were now getting better and moving towards near perfection. Whatever you don’t appreciate, will diminish. Learn to appreciate your spouse all the time and the best will come out of them.

 

(5)Understanding your uniqueness: Most of the marriage cases I have handled in the past, were based on the lack of understanding of the makeup of the sexes (male and female). The men did not understand the makeup of women; so, they had issues with their wives. The women did not understand the makeup and uniqueness of their men; so, they had a lot of issues with their husbands.

There is a way a woman is fabricated and wired that is very different from the man and vice versa. If you understand this and maximize it, it will be as if you are in heaven; when a man is looking for books to buy, a woman will be looking for ice cream to buy. So, when you are in a courtship or marriage and your partner is looking for an ice cream, don’t be angry, just know it’s the way she is wired.

A woman is entirely wired to express her feelings (she is a feeling being). When a woman is feeling, feel with her and the home will be sweet. At the other end, men are wired to think before acting and if their wives understand this, there will be peace in the home.

The bible in Matthew 19:4 says, “Having you read the scriptures? Jesus replied. They recalled that from the beginning, God made them male and female.” There are components of male and there are components of female. Don’t rush into marriage (if you are not married) until you understand the components of the male and female, and if you are married understand the components of the male and female more.

 

(6)Largeness of heart: A man who does not have the capacity to accommodate many things should not prepare for a relationship, courtship or marriage. 1 Kings 4:29 says, “And God gave Solomon wisdom and understanding exceeding much, and largeness of heart, even as the sand that is on the sea shore.” Marriage is made for those who has developed themselves and can take surprises in their strides. It is made for those who can absorb shock and still smile, because in marriage so many things happen. If you don’t have the largeness of heart, you will just be a crying baby in the journey of marriage.

 

(7)Knowing that God is interested in the relationship and in the home: You must understand that God has been interested in relationships and in homes from the beginning. In Genesis 1:26, God said “Let us make man in our image and after our likeness.” Also, in Genesis 2:18, God said “It is not good for man to be alone, and I will make for him a helpmeet.” In other word, God is excited when you are in a beautiful and peaceful relationship. God is excited when you are in a good home. Anytime a home is not whole, God is not happy.

 

(8)Know God and hear Him: There are some people who want to know God when they want to enter into a relationship, and there are some other people who try to hear God beginning with relationship, but it doesn’t work that way. If you have not mastered the voice of God as a tender boy or girl, is it when you want to marry that you will now start mastering the voice of God? It is important to know God and start hearing his voice early in life.

As you hear God’s voice, He will tell you steps to take to improve on your relationships, marriage and home.

 

There is no way to downplay the importance of these foundations because each of them is vital to the peace and harmony of any relationship or home. To overlook any one of them can lead to serious stress and wreck of the relationship and home. May God bless your home!